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Sexual addiction, an umbrella term which includes pornography addiction, is likely the most harmful addiction when it comes to marriages.The reasons for this are numerous and include the shame associated with this addiction for both the addict and the spouse, the sense of betrayal, and stereotypes linked to the addiction.
This lack of understanding can cause numerous misconceptions to be held as truths and can postpone healing. His marriage and family can be in one compartment, his job in another…you get the point.
Women’s brains are more like spaghetti where everything is connected.
We are more likely to be worrying about our kids when we are at work and thinking about work when we are at home.
I specialize in counseling wives of sex addicts, and I often see women who haven’t told anyone about their husband’s addiction, sometimes for months or even years.
The lack of support available to spouses, and often inaccurate information being put out about partners of sexual addicts, can cause a wife to suffer additional trauma and feel like she is partially responsible for her husband’s behavior.
Pornography presents an unrealistic reality that damages a person’s brain.
They become engrossed in this fantasy world where they don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone but themselves and no emotional connection is required.
Later I will discuss the kinds of consequences that can catapult an addict into reality.
Norman Doidge, psychiatrist and author of the acclaimed book, , studied porn addicts.
It is possible for your husband to love you, even though he is looking at pornography. This is a benefit when a man is fighting in a war and able to focus on the task at hand without worrying about his family back home.
But it also makes a man able to look at pornography without thinking about how it may hurt you or his marriage.
Your husband had this addiction, or the proclivity toward it, before he ever met you, regardless of what he says.